Safe Food vs. Dangerous Food

I can have all the brilliant orange cheesey puffs I want. I can live on it and I can feed my kids nothing but this. That’s legal. They’ll need something to drink so I’ll get some cola to go with it. I believe cheesey puffs would be at the big fat end of the food pyramid with the carbs. Puffs are kinda like bread. Sort of. Or… is it a vegetable?

I’m wondering if that orange occurs in nature. It looks muted here, but it’s pretty shocking in real life.

And is there any real food in that ingredient list? Let’s see… corn, canola, cottonseed and soybean products are GMO — definitely not food.

Whey is good if obtained without heat so I’m going to assume no healthful whey here. Why? Because it’s whey, er, way expensive to extract whey without heat. Perhaps I’m jumping to conclusions.

Cheddar cheese, butter and buttermilk all usually count as food, although since this is all pasteurized, it has little healthful food value left. Pasteurization kills all the good stuff.

Annato extract is what makes cheese yellow. It’s unnecessary and is an allergen. Maltodextrin is starch from corn which, as we’ve already learned, is GMO, therefore, not a food. Don’t eat GMO faux food: it’ll kill ya.

Real salt is incredibly healthful food. Here, however, I’m thinking they used über processed table salt which is devoid of all the good. In this house, we eat with all the minerals, so yummy! Once you eat the good stuff, you regret all those years of Morton’s.

Ah, now comes the really tricky stuff: “natural and artificial flavors.” The phrase “natural flavors” always makes me chuckle because it’s so misleading. I’m surprised food manufacturers are allowed to get away with it. Rather, I wish I were surprised. The truth is there is nothing “natural” about these flavors. EXCEPT the, um, flavor:

Both artificial and natural flavors are made by “flavorists” in a laboratory by blending either “natural” chemicals or “synthetic” chemicals to create flavorings. — Phil Lempert, Supermarket Guru

Monosodium glutamate is a neurotoxin blamed for pretty much everything. Why it is still legal to add this to food is a mystery. Why any thinking American would eat it is beyond baffling. Has the phrase “thinking American” become an oxymoron yet? I’m worried because, as you can see, people are actually buying this stuff. Presumably to eat.

Yellow No. 5 (whether dye or lake) is actually Tartrazine. It’s pretty to look at, but don’t eat it. It has some known health risks. Likewise Yellow No. 6. Risky but still legal. I can live on the stuff if I so choose, health risks or no. Hmmm. I’m sure the FDA is going to ban it soon like they did Vitamins B6 and B17. And raw milk.

Sometimes I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that it is actually illegal to drink milk au naturel: straight from the cow. Udder madness! (Sorry, I couldn’t resist. Admit it, you were thinking it.)

So. Yes to cheese puffs. No to milk. Ok, that makes no sense but I’m going to try to follow the rules because… those FDA peeps know what’s good for me. Right?

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